Anal sex is one of these activities that gets a bad rap. The fear of having anal is worse than anything that can actually happen during anal sex. What fears you ask? Oh, the fear of blinding pain, a ripping, bleeding, gaping asshole, dirty, “poop filled” sex, and having to crap yourself for the rest of your life. Did that give you a laugh? Good, it was meant to. None of those things will happen during anal sex, and none of those repercussions will plague you; causing you to wear adult diapers for the rest of your life. Anal sex shouldn’t be such a scary activity. So, what is the truth behind what to expect during your first time anal experience? Read on and be soothed into submission!
DISCOMFORT VERUS PAIN?: I don’t care how many times I explain this to people: anal sex should not “hurt.” Is it going to be a bit uncomfortable your first time? Yes, probably. Girls, was your first experience with intercourse pain free? Most likely not. It was probably a little uncomfortable. Same with anal sex. Anal sex can be more or less painful based on your reaction to it. Meaning, if you tense up, squeeze your butt cheeks together, or otherwise have NO desire to actually have anal sex – well, it is going to hurt more. Why? Simply, if your muscles are not relaxed it becomes like trying to push a square peg into a round hole: it isn’t going to fit! However, if you learn how to relax and follow the rules of anal sex (namely, lube, lube, lube and more lube and push OUT while insertion is happening) you will encounter far less discomfort.
Yes, discomfort. What does that mean? Well, the anal canal is not meant for something to ENTER it, so when you try to push anything up there from a finger to a toy to a penis – it is going to take some adjusting. The muscles in the anal canal do expand – but not as easily as let’s say the vagina. So, it takes a bit of time for the body to adjust. During those mere minutes of adjustment the discomfort can be apparent. However, if you have a partner willing to go slowly, this will be minimized.
EXPECT TO USE LOTS OF LUBE: I cannot stress this enough: any partner who says “you do not need lube” needs to be the first taker of anal sex sans lube! I guarantee that person will NOT suggest lube free anal again. Listen, this is simple: the anal canal does NOT lubricate itself. Therefore, if you try to push a dry finger, toy or penis into a dry canal you are going to get drag. This drag is going to cause pain. This pain is going to cause tension. This tension is going to cause muscle contraction. This contraction is going to make the anal canal TIGHTER and then nothing is getting up there. Get it? USE LUBE. Lube makes things go, well, more smoothly. It aids in slicking up the entrance and preparing you for the entrance of the object. It will most likely need to be reapplied to keep it comfortable. So use it. Use lots of it. If your partner complains then tell him (her) “no anal for jooooooo!”
A LITTLE MESS: OK, you know what the anal canal is, right? The place where bowel movements (aka poop) happens. Yes, shit happens. Even if you prepare by giving yourself an enema to clean out your bowels, even if you wipe and cleanse beforehand. No matter what you do, you are going to have some poop on whatever goes up there. It may be a little, it may be a lot – but it will happen. Squeamish? Use a condom. Yes, on your finger too. Toys – yup. Penis – oh, poor you you have to wrap it up. Do it. Or, if you don’t care about the mess, then go for it barebacked (if you have a safe partner and are not worried about STDs). Just remember to clean up after and never, ever go from anal entrance to vagina or mouth. Can you say EWWWWWIE!
SORE BOTTOM: It is quite possible that after your first time (and maybe every time) you are going to have a little sore, um, butt. Much like a night of vigorous sex can make your va-jay-jay a little sore, so goes it with the anal canal. You are going to feel like you had something up there – because you did! It won’t be super painful, but you will be aware of it. Also, it is possible to bleed a little (not a lot) during the first time due to the inadvertent tearing of the sensitive anal lining. If you use lube, this is far, far less likely to happen. Hey, another reason to lube up, right?
WHAT GOES UP, MUST COME OUT: If you are the lucky receiver of the anal sex and you have followed all the rules about lube – let it be known: what goes UP, is going to come OUT. This means all the air you have shoved up there during anal sex AND all the lube (lots and lots of lube) you have used to make your play more comfortable as well as any ejaculate that may be up there – yup, it is going to come OUT. It may be directly after. It may be while you sit to pee after sex. It may be a few hours later. It may STILL be coming out tomorrow. It will come out. Be prepared for this. Not just the first time you have anal sex, but EVERY time you have anal sex. Be prepared. Seriously. That can be embarrassing. Talk about walk of shame.
SURPRISINGLY ENJOYABLE: The number one thing you should expect when having anal for the first time is for it to be surprisingly enjoyable! If you follow the rules of using lube, have a partner who goes slowly, you push OUT and try to relax – well, once it gets in there and you start going, you may find it is extremely enjoyable in a way that you did not expect. Then, you may want to do it again. The next time is always easier than the first time. So enjoy it, learn the rules, and have some fun!